I Guess I Could Complain, But I Won't

Just had a pretty tough and unusual week: We unexpectedly had to replace our furnace because of a gas leak. Then the dishwasher broke. Then the home phone and internet lines went out. On Friday, we had a "significant workforce reduction" at my day job, and I had to terminate members of my team. And then on Sunday, our kitchen faucet became a free-flowing waterfall.

• Four days without heat reminded me to appreciate blankets and cuddle-time.
• Doing dishes by hand? What an opportunity to practice mindfulness!
• No incoming phone calls? Now that's a blessing in disguise!
• Surviving a layoff reminded me to be thankful for my job, and to focus more on my family, my health, and my passions.
• The broken sink was a call to appreciate all of the fresh, on-demand, drinkable water that I usually take for granted.

My cup runneth over. Coincidentally, so does my kitchen countertop.

I am truly blessed!

A lesson, and an apology

Today, I thought I'd share a letter, written by me to all of my students, regarding an incident that occurred in the dojo last night. No worries — all is calm and forgiven now, and today I move forward with smile on my face. But I feel that sharing this story is an essential part of my education, my "Ultimate Black Belt Test." So, here goes.

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There's a phrase in Japanese, "deru kugi wa utareru" which means, "the nail that sticks up will be hammered down." It is, I think, the converse of our more familiar Western saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease."

While the squeaky wheel and the protruding nail will both surely get some attention, grease is good and desirable. The hammer — well, not so much.

The saying is indicative of how the Japanese (and by association, those like me who have studied a Japanese art for any length of time) tend to value the group over the individual, and conformity — in its most positive sense — over self-expression. There is power in the group.

This runs completely counter to our Western sensibilities: we tend to prize individualism, independence, and non-conformity.

And therein, as they say, lies the rub.

In the dojo last night, I "knocked down a nail" a little too hard while correcting a student's behavior. I'm sure those who were witnesses to the incident know exactly what I'm talking about. There's no need to go into more detail, agreed?

Well, okay — Let's be honest here: I was brash, heavy-handed, and way, WAY over the top. And for that, I sincerely apologize. While my actions may have been unskillful, my intent was to convey, as clearly as possible, the decorum and self-discipline that should be displayed in the dojo: Pay attention. Listen more than you speak. Don't interrupt. Try your best not to stick out too much. Seek invisibility. Exercise restraint.

My harshness, however, was mostly an expression of the expectations that have been set for ME in my own training, which perhaps has been a little more severe than what is healthy...

After some reflection, I have come to realize that my outburst was also an indication of an area in which I have some room for growth. So I shall continue to explore my own humility, and I vow to cherish the individuality in each of you.

Please, let me apologize once again. I welcome your comments privately, or here in this forum.

Sensei J.

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I am grateful for my experiences — even the painful ones such as this — and perhaps today I'm just a little bit wiser than I was yesterday. It seems that the nail that is me has been knocked down by my own hand. Kinda ironic, when you think abou it...

Health Week Coming in May

I've been invited to participate in a number of "Health Week" activities at local elementary schools. Mostly, coordinators are requesting that I come in to classrooms to run a basic introduction to karate and self-defense — to get kids up and moving around, doing new and interesting things. Of course, this is a good thing for the kids, and a great opportunity for the dojo, so I'm happy to participate as my schedule allows.

But I'm also asking myself, what else can I do? As many as one in five (some say more) school children is obese. So why shouldn't I, as part of health week, provide kids and school staff with diabetes awareness and prevention materials? Can I come in and talk to kids about anger management? Now that's self-defense!

Some Thoughts On Mindfulness and Living With Compassion

I've been taught that compassion, a sense of empathy and a genuine, caring heart, is one of the martial virtues. It's one of my dojo's "Black Belt Traits." Expressing compassion and loving-kindness for all creatures has been a cornerstone of my fledgling, UBBT-inspired meditation practice, too. Over the last couple of weeks, several coinciding events have really begun to change my thinking about what compassion really means, especially in relation to my personal habits of consumption:

Two weeks ago, I drove past a vegan group that was protesting outside of a local KFC, and I found myself silently rooting for them on the inside. The very next day, I stumbled upon Thich Nhat Hanh's letter to the CEO of KFC, asking him to consider treating chickens more humanely.

Yesterday, I was somewhat repulsed by an online article and film clip about the new Fenway Franks. Now, I've got nothing against a good hot dog (at least I don't think I do), but the insipid music that's playing in the background of the film clip while meat is being processed really stuck me as an insensitive trivialization of the fact that those "hot-dogs-to-be" are actually former cows.

On my way home last night, I listened (in disgust, to be honest) to an NPR spot on farm raised whales that are harvested for commercial use. Okay, I can appreciate using every part of the whale: after all business is business, and efficiency counts. But why the hell do the whale farmers bother to teach the captive whales to sing — and "express their individuality" (i.e., treat them as pets) — if they're going to kill them?

(Okay, that last one was a well-played NPR April Fool's joke... but my point remains.)

And today, the last straw: a student of mine sent me a link to a disturbing report on the treatment of animals at a New England poultry farm.

Now, I've already been eating less and less meat lately in acknowledgement of the health benefits of eating more veggies, legumes, and fruits, and also to do my little part to reduce the impact that the meat industry has on the environment. I've read Pollan's "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and scanned "In Defense of Food," and I've learned quite a bit. But now, more and more, I'm feeling sympathy and compassion for the creatures that we meat eaters routinely ingest.

I don't think I'm quite at the point of giving up my meat habit 100%, and I'm not sure that I ever will arrive at that point, but I'm definitely becoming more conscious in my food choices, going vegetarian when I can, and purposefully and mindfully choosing cage-free / free range products. I'm making a new habit of taking a moment before I eat to really feel gratitude toward all the human, material, and animal resources that made my meal possible.

So, from this moment on, no more mindless eating. That's a start, anyway. (And no judgment, either, I promise! You can eat the way that you want, and I won't look at you sideways!) I don't really know where this particular path will lead me (and I don't know how much it really has to do with training in the martial arts), but I'm willing to follow it for a while to find out.