A lesson, and an apology

Today, I thought I'd share a letter, written by me to all of my students, regarding an incident that occurred in the dojo last night. No worries — all is calm and forgiven now, and today I move forward with smile on my face. But I feel that sharing this story is an essential part of my education, my "Ultimate Black Belt Test." So, here goes.

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There's a phrase in Japanese, "deru kugi wa utareru" which means, "the nail that sticks up will be hammered down." It is, I think, the converse of our more familiar Western saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease."

While the squeaky wheel and the protruding nail will both surely get some attention, grease is good and desirable. The hammer — well, not so much.

The saying is indicative of how the Japanese (and by association, those like me who have studied a Japanese art for any length of time) tend to value the group over the individual, and conformity — in its most positive sense — over self-expression. There is power in the group.

This runs completely counter to our Western sensibilities: we tend to prize individualism, independence, and non-conformity.

And therein, as they say, lies the rub.

In the dojo last night, I "knocked down a nail" a little too hard while correcting a student's behavior. I'm sure those who were witnesses to the incident know exactly what I'm talking about. There's no need to go into more detail, agreed?

Well, okay — Let's be honest here: I was brash, heavy-handed, and way, WAY over the top. And for that, I sincerely apologize. While my actions may have been unskillful, my intent was to convey, as clearly as possible, the decorum and self-discipline that should be displayed in the dojo: Pay attention. Listen more than you speak. Don't interrupt. Try your best not to stick out too much. Seek invisibility. Exercise restraint.

My harshness, however, was mostly an expression of the expectations that have been set for ME in my own training, which perhaps has been a little more severe than what is healthy...

After some reflection, I have come to realize that my outburst was also an indication of an area in which I have some room for growth. So I shall continue to explore my own humility, and I vow to cherish the individuality in each of you.

Please, let me apologize once again. I welcome your comments privately, or here in this forum.

Sensei J.

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I am grateful for my experiences — even the painful ones such as this — and perhaps today I'm just a little bit wiser than I was yesterday. It seems that the nail that is me has been knocked down by my own hand. Kinda ironic, when you think abou it...