Mastery or Bust!

In just 4 weeks, my wife and I are expecting the arrival of our second child. Over the past several months, we've been very busy going to doctor's appointments, painting rooms, buying and moving furniture, replacing a few old appliances before they up and die on their own, picking up new and borrowed baby gear, lining up family support, and otherwise generally getting ready for our lives to be turned (wonderfully!) upside down. There have been bumps in the road, to be sure. I'm not getting a lot of sleep (Neither is my wife!), and I'm really, really, REALLY worn out.

And in just 13 weeks, when the new baby is just 8 weeks old, I'll be leaving home for Canada to attend a weeklong martial arts summer camp that will culminate in my test for 4th degree black belt. (Huge props to my wife for being willing to me out of her sight so I can pursue my passion!) It's a test that I need to be razor sharp for: I'll need to be absolutely at the top of my game in order to emerge from the crucible victorious! But here's my problem/challenge: I haven't been training anywhere nearly as hard as I normally would in advance of a rank test.

Because in addition to all of the baby prep mentioned above, I have a 3-year-old diabetic daughter who requires a lot of care (she's my hero!), and I work a full time job while also running the dojo and teaching classes there. I've been handling household emergencies, running seminars, renegotiating leases, and coordinating community service activities. And I'm doing everything I can to get my own students ready for their Black Belt test. So with all the things I've had on my plate, I haven't left a lot of time for my own training. Sure, I've been meditating, visualizing, and maintaining a healthy diet, etc., but I haven't had a tenth of the mat time I'd prefer to have to polish my kata.

Fear not: I'm not listing all the reasons I'm going to fail my test. I'm not trying to set low expectations or garner any sympathy here. I'm just listing all of the obstacles (real and imagined) that I'm going to overcome to succeed. Because to me, the real test is all of the things that I struggle with and overcome before I step onto the floor for the actual examination and evaluation.

I don't care if I pass the test or not. (Well, I care, but I don't CARE, if you know what I mean...) I'm simply going to step out there and leave everything I have on the floor. And I believe that my willingness to fail spectacularly actually gives me an edge.

My eyes aren't on the prize because I've already won.